in love

YAWN YAWN YAWN!
busy week !
Bad news and good news.

) : Rui's dad just passed away the day before yesterday.
Good news. im in love with my dearest pig !
ok bye.
good luck to my pig for his theory which is in process now.
yawn byebye

rainbow love

Yes i know i'm silly to blog here and there.
My comp doesn't seems to like me at all.
While my brothers are playing, everything seems fine.
Once i sit infront of it, after like 10 minutes.
It went off right after that ) : ) :

Computer hates me ) :
Psp die on me yesterday ) :
Songs in ipod kills me everyday ) :
Work full shifts this week ) :
another killer news ...
During Christmas, i'll be working 8 - 10 days straight without off days ) :

I found my Mr Seventeens. WAHAHAHAS!
I've my lovely Jennifer ( :
I'm happy, at least for now.
I wouldn't want to know about the future.
I just wanna cherish whatever i have & i meant it

I LOVE YOU PIG

quoted

night met my bitch go ’sweet frog porridge’ again.. yummy~ but we are too full to finish all.. lol.. anyway huiying, u know what i mean.. stand out of the picture and do what need to be done.. the further you drag, things get worst.. no matter what, Ban zhu ding hurt her le.. so why dunwan end it earlier, dun let her suffer that much.. =)
be strong my friend, cuz i’m here for you when it hurts in your heart. =)

this is from my most beloved friend ( :
thanks! I know you has been staying by my side all along without fail.
Without you, i might not even be able to pick myself up in this terrible impact 1 year.
I LOVE YOU OK?
I know you're looking lols...
haha i shall become les, so we can be together again.
btw i saw sam sam yesterday~ AWWWWW
i miss her ( :
that's all.
I dont really have any mood to blog anyway.
goodbye loves

broken heart

So much happen.
So much for me to handle.
So much of everything.
Too much of tears rolled down.
What do i really wants from this ?
Am i that difficult to please or am i too difficult to be understand?

Let me tell you.
All i want is someone to take care and love with.
Yes, i dont wanna miss out any chance that makes me regret my whole life with.
The only one, Stanley that makes me regret till now.
) :
It has been a year.. A year of separation, a year of torments.
Hopefully i will feel better after 1 year.
A year passes so fast, so tiring, so upset.
A bad year for me. Goodbye 2008 ( :

So much happen this year, glad that i'm still at one piece.
lols.
I've just lost a friend, someone that i once wanna to cherish of.
Perhaps i'm too straightforward, things went out of the way.
But i just want him to realise that he's being used for.
He doesn't seems to mind so what more can i do?
Blame myself for loving the wrong person ( :
No regrets, at least i tried... once.
Being together with the one that will cherish me is so so hard?
third party? or am i? or not?
I can choose, i have choices.
If i can choose again, i wont want to walk this path...
it's too tiring for me to handle.
I'm just afraid, afraid of losing things.

下雨天了 怎么办 我好想你
不敢打给你
我找不到原因
什么失眠的声音 变得好熟悉
沉默的场景 做你的代替
陪我听雨滴
期待让人越来越沉迷

谁和我一样 等不到他的谁
爱上你我总在学会 寂寞的滋味
一个人撑伞
一个人擦泪
一个人好累

怎样的雨 怎样的夜 怎样的我能让你更想念
雨要多大 天要多黑
才能够有你的体贴
其实 没有我你分不清那些彻别
接近还能多一些
别说你会难过
别说你想改变
被爱的人不用道歉

steal!

Quoted from my Jennifer's blog...

i read my book lo.. Why men love bitches. And i know why… part of me is like the bitch that is stated in the book.. same as my candy~ she has alot more of the bitch personality than me.. lol.. thats why more men love her~ =P On the other hand, my the other friend, is just like the doormat stated in the book.. and yes~ her r/s end partly cuz of that.. a good book for my candy & me - so we can understand how to be a 100% bitch. huiying - cuz she can learn to be a bitch too~ perhaps a new r/s wont end when she know how to act like one.. =)
One thing i really think she should learn is be happy of what she have. confident and dun lowdown herself..

Huiying - Jennifer's friend.
Candy - which is me! LOLS
so read it. ._.
nice book arh bitch.
please get your backside and elbow well!
( :
I LOVE U

weeeeeeeeeee

Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy ) :
Yeaaaaaaa tomorrow is my off day!
Yes! I gonna sleep my day away since there isn't any programme.
blog later ( :

screeeeams

Met up with Jennifer after meeting up with Ban (:
Jennifer told me not to be too good...
So i must be a bad woman? LOLS!
push her away?
._.
& she mentioned that i'm a good bitch ._.
Is not suppose to be a compliment... ):
but at least i stand up for my own thinking and knows what i've actually doing...
ha ha ha
working in forum is craze craze crazy!
Everyday is like so happening.
Perhaps forum seems to be a better place to work with.

This weekend burnt!
No Off day... nvm
but Fullshift on both days.
killer!
) : ) : ) :
it shows and it means no night outing..
but i want a supper please?!?!
I miss my little bitch, Jennifer..
I miss my Ban (:
I miss that DX.
oh yah!
Congrats to Kiat !!! WEEEEEEE
he's like attached lols lols lols~
thats all now.
Byebye

I LOVE YOU

official

Yep! Been a long time since i back here for blogging.
Met up with Ban(: Kiat and xun recently more than anyone else.
Ban came over to fetch me at CCK when im there to do delivery for customer.
Then we headed our way to Dx place to pick him up.
so we still deciding whether wanna meet up with JS anot.
but no one agrees to it, so we go over to pick kiat up and headed to Bukit Merah without JS.
yes, without him!

It's not boycott him, just that when he's out with us.
he simply too busy to entertain us but he's free to entertain his sms-es.
so why not leave him alone at home to sms her lols!
Things get better?
Ban seems to start ignoring her, I dont know is it a good thing or not.
JS sms-ed ban ytd regarding about he still cannot let go of her.
but wants Ban to make her happy.
Since JS wants her to be happy, why not be with JS and let himself make her happy?
stupid.
He never bothers how Ban feel.. As a good friend.
nevermind.
oh yea, JS smsed me when im at batam.
something like " are you working today? "
" are you with ban?! "
wtf? is it she cannot find her own bf must ask you come and ask me if im with him?
dumb f woman.
she's dumb...
Ban went out very early on Saturday to camp for course.
she didnt know a single thing, so she stupidly* waiting for him at his block.
._.
stupid. obviously Ban is tired no time entertain her.
so ban just sleep his whole afternoon away then she just stay there and do nothing.
bo liao-ness LOL!
hao ba~

ytd met up with Ban for my dinner ( :
usual prata but not as nice.
nothing much already.
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LOVEEEEEEES

thinking hard

What what what happen!
I feel like so shit at times now.
I no longer knows what i really want and what i really need.
Hate those feelings which i feels that no one will understand.

Moving away is a better choice?
its tiring for me to let things be this way.
if this thing keep dragging, all of us will be tired.
slowly i'm feeling a little tired over it.
But i can't say anything, if not things will be different.

Who can i really turn to now?
Shut uppppppppppp!
hate everything now, everything to me isnt nice anymore.
not even myself.
I find myself very horrible now. ) :
A short trip this weekend to run away from the problems that i'm having right now,
im way tooo tired.
how i wish i can go now.
) :
so tired and restless.

At times, i really confuse about the things i really wants.
Like..
who i really fond of?
is he just a crush ?
Or will he be the one for me?
or even is it me alone?
fucks. ) :
im unhappy.
I've already once lost someone.
someone....
I wanted to cherish everyone i can..
Even if its just a crush or infatuation.
I dont want to miss out anything and regret.
But well..
life don't always go the way i want it to be.
Sigh sigh sigh.
Things just go so so wrong.

I wanted Stanley back.
but is impossible anymore.
I wanted to cherish JS(:
but the time is wrong.
I wanted to give HW a chance.
but im afraid things starts to change.
I wanted to be this and that.
I'm just afraid... afraid things will go wrong.
I dont want start to lose things and people around me.
esp you.
i know u'll be reading but things wont go our way.
( :
I'll learn.. learn not to be dependent on you.
BIG SIGH AGAIN.
off now.
bye

missing

So much things churning around in my mind.
I wonder so much always, i wonder will i be thought of ?
Will i being missed by people like crazy?
will i be loved by someone i love ?
I hate to think, cause thinking too much i will be upset.

Met up with Jennifer yesterday.
Yes we chatted. Someone is being too much.
too much for me not to be angry with him.
I also have very big a little don't wish to see him ( :
I've my Jennifer, my lovelove Ban.
So without him, i'm alright...
Just don't make me be the one that scream at him, things will get out of hand.
I promised it will happen if things get worse.

Ban sms me this morning 530am ( :
he left for field camp already.
awwwws.
sian sian sian.
programe-less.
swimming, tanning and sleeping.
I'm gonna do that whenever i'm free.
Kbox this saturday with Ban, xun and kiat? YIPIEEEEEE ! ( :
hopefully they wanna go !
lols~
Nothing much to blog?
i've a swollen left eye, so my eyes now ._o
k bye


能不能给我一首歌的时间
紧紧的把那拥抱变成永远
在我的怀里你不用害怕失眠
哦如果你想忘记我也能失忆

要怎么证明我没有说谎力气
哦请告诉我暂停算不算放弃

bored

Is so crazy so crazy!
Woman like her are dumb.
dumb f.
( :
pathetic like nobody business?
somehow i pity her being this way, low down.

Love love is out to field camp.
Jennifer is busy working.
I'm being left alone these few days!
arrrrgh ):
hopefully time passes faster.
hello to new outlet, seems like back home?
but i don't really intend to stay long there.
lols !
my mind seems blank, i wants to go swimming.
good luck.
byeee

thoughts

Ban is love.
love is Ban ( :

she's dumb lols.

( :

So much to say here.
So much to be said.

okay i've been meeting up with Ban more than anything else now.
envy or jealous whatever shit.
i knew someone is jealous over this (:
but who really cares about her other than that stupid guy?
Steamboat session with suppy group and a couple, Rui and angel.
Advance birthday celebration for Kiat !
Ban came over to my place and meet me up and we headed to Jurong East at 6.30pm sharp.

Imagine, everyone is late.
we waited for 1 hour before everyone arrives.
headed to AMK for steamboat ( :
nice nice.
Basically i totally trying to ignore JS
since when he sees me at jurong east he mentioned things like ...
" why u come? " then he continue " a little unhappy to see u here "
sotb, ask me what it means i'll say.
then from that moment, i ignored him totally and he tries his way to talk to me.
rubbish.
i hate it ( :

Reached AMK steamboat, Ban asked me what i wanna drink.
orange juice please, and that JS took fruit punch for me.
i refuse to drink it, so Ban drank the whole fruit punch for me ( :
yes i'm being stubborn always, especially those that hurt me in whatever way they want.
then after dindin, we headed to Cine E2MAX.
usual, they wanna play ROCKBAND.
Xun is cute okay, vocalist!
haaa!
awhile more i headed back home with Ban.
Ban sent me home via car once we alight at his place.
( :
i met Ban for 3 days total out of 4? haaa!
friday, saturday & sunday !
yes.
yeaaaaaaaaaa.
my trip is confirmed!
( :
bye

belonging

Does he belongs to me?
Or no?
I dont know whats going right into my mind already.
I only know how to stand by there helplessly ):

JS booked out, he met up with her.
Can i scold her in my blog?
What she really wants? Want Ban and want JS at the same time?
isn't she being a bitch?
whoever dont like this post just close it, ive no reason not to blog something like that.
She knew JS still likes her alot and she already together with ban.
Cause Ban met up with me, she have to meet JS ?
isn't she trying to let JS not to give up her this way?
I HATE HER.
She's a bitch.
She dont even mind to go over to JS's place to meet JS.
how am i gonna describe her as?
Ban got no comments to this at all, he doesnt seems to bother.

Met up with xun and Ban.
Ban came over to meet me in the store (:
I've honey drink and medicine from Ban
thanks! HUGS ( : ( :
then we headed towards Bukit Merah to meet up with xun and kiat.
kiat super no shame, me and ban reached he went off to Clark Quay.
NO SHAME TO THE MAX
nevermind..
usual lovelies Ban, xun and me ( :
fishball noodles and oyster omellet (:
whatever it is spelled as.
hahaa.
then chatted awhile and headed home via 198.
Ban fell asleep, and xun was busy playing psp lol.
Ban send me home ( :
thanks ban for everything but things just dont seems right?
i dont know i dont know.
JS and her came all the way back from yishun just because she wanna stay over at ban's place.
she no place to stay?
I hate her.
Ban already so tired, yet have to go out find Js and her and send JS back?
rubbish.

As for my side, JS seems to start to vanish from my mind.
i dont know why, perhaps he's too selfish.
He treated me well as there's a reason to it.
somehow i dislike him?
I dont know, no longer know what i really wants anymore...
bye

rainy

Raining makes me upset.
I tends to think alot when it starts to rain heavily ):
was out for dinner with Jennifer and it rains so heavily till the both of us stucked there almost an hour before heading back home.

小女人真恐怖 !
爱情是一场游戏 .

Yes it is, love is a game.
love makes one a fool, love makes one go crazy.
love makes one a guilty party, love makes everyone go mad.
提的起放的下, who really able to?
it takes time, but never pretend to be nice to someone that loves you.
things will get worse, especially towards 小女人.
I've seen the worst, i just wanna be loved by someone who loves me a million.
Yes, i don't care whoever is stopping me.
( :


我不是不知道没有你的日子会有多么煎熬
就算是我傻的可笑失去当成得到 只要能够对你好
我都会做到 (:

thoughts

I think i thought of it through..
why should i cling onto hope on something which will never belongs to me?
Down with bad flu, throat infection.
So much happen, so much. You ain't around to go through with me, but someone else yes.

7 years without fail
7 years of care and concern
7 years of dependent (:
MY BANBAN, URBAN :D

8 years of sister
8 years of heart to heart talks
8 years of my life (:
MY JENJEN. LOVELY BITCH

they are both most important people in my life, no one will replace!
please be uber touched when you sees this. lol
i've once regret for not holding and treasure someone i love, i dont want this to happen to my this both confidant.
I want them to cherish and treasure their love ones, just as much as i love them (:
for my JENJEN (:
the love for her is like sisterly love, of course we share almost everything.
from our life, to school, to working life, to relationship.
Mummy loves her too (:
can consider she's my half sister (:

for my BANBAN! (:
i love BANBAN AS BANBAN !
yes BANBAN always there.
piggyback when im tired, carries my bag though is awfully girlish, slept on his shoulder on the way home.
yes, we are that close (:
don't doubt ok?
haaa!

for stanley
someone that i failed to cherish.
someone that i loved the most.
someone that i wanted to spend my life with.
but i lose it.
can only blame myself for having the pride for not turning and beg him.

I wants them to be happy.
so that i would do.
(:
I LOVE JENNIFER !
I LOVE BANBAN !
I LOVE STANLEY ! past

broken shattered pieces

The happiest 20 hours that in my life (:
which is the every hours that i'm able to see him continously for 3 days.

People say i'm silly.
too silly for fall in love.
all i could do is to cry when he walked away...
i always cry, no doubt.

I cried, when i know he's upset.
I cried, when i know everything is impossible.
I cried, when i sees him walk away.
I cried, when i realised everything is never mine.
I cried, cause i have to let go.
I cried, as i'm tired... too tired to be strong.
I cried, cause when i need someone the most but now i don't.

to like someone, it's really sweet.
but why am i feeling so painful?
those 20hours, i'm feeling real sweet.
But is that real? Or is being planned out by someone else?
if its being planned out, i rather dont want any.
I feel i'm being pity out of sympathy.
what am i?
I dont want just to be someone cause he has no one to.
I want to see him happy just because i'm with him, but it's impossible.
How tired i am, i will dragged myself out just to see him.
Why?!

I've already did my best, my best to like him and ignore everyone's talking.
my mind only him, but everything isn't meant to be.
he only have her in mind, he will only care about how she feels and wants her to be happy.
for her being happy, he do not mind to hurt me.
I want my own happiness too.
I texted JS(:
told him im real happy these 3 days and told him i will be leading my life happily and most importantly i wants him to be happy. and hopes he will find his. cause nothing is much more important than he being happy..

yes, again.
i broke down after i've sent the message out.
i cried, cause its hurtful.
i cried, cause i dont wish to go away but i have to.
i'm sorry, i'm not strong enough to hold back my tears.
do take care (:
byes

letting go

I'll try...
I need people who is around me to go through it with me.
it's hard to say let go then able to let go...
Whatever it is, i just want him to be happy.

we ain't meant to be.
so why must i cling onto something which i will never be able to get and to cherish?
i'm contented..
these 3 days, i met up with JS(: more than 20hrs .
I'm kind of starting to doubt things about him...

He's so good to me suddenly, is it because "someone" wants him to.
so i wont be looking for Ban?
Is she the main reason to JS(: sudden caring to me?
Sighs, i will be utterly upset if things is this way.
I'm tired.
badly sick now, mentally and physically.
Where are you BAN!
):

happiest

YADAH YADAH!~
can you imagine? I met him almost up to 17hrs for 2 days?!
it's like the most happiest week of my life (: (: (:

Met up with Kiat and Dx and head our way to Jurongpoint to meet up with the rest.
Train-ed all the way to Jurong east to meet up with Ban:0 and JS(: at JurongPoint itself.
They wanna play the drum thingy so we went up to Arcade, Rui and Angel joined us.
Aiyah~ i'm just overwhelmed! hahaha~ nevermind nevermind...

then headed to 651 for my din din and to Kiat's place for tonning
yes! i love to stay over cause thats the only time i get to see JS(: the most.
he's superb okay? when he plays DJMAX, awww so cute lols!
okay stop it.
then we watched dvd, and around 3 plus Angel and Rui went back first.
so left with Ban:o, JS(:, Dx and Kiat.
around 5am to 6 everyone KO.
being a lady always have priority! I have the bed of course, and Ban:o was beside.
Kiat and Dx sleeping on mattress and JS(: got to sleep on the floor ):
I passed him the bolster and the blanket after i disturbed Ban hahaha!
no one is allow to sleeeep when i cant get to bed!
lols~

around 7am, i starts to disturb Dx.
LOL! the room was once again filled with laughters of mine.
hahaha.
btw JS(: is a little not feeling well.
then i disallow them to make so much noise to wake him up.
so me, ban, kiat starts to disturb our cute little DX from sleeping lols!
around 830am everyone awake!
yeah~ means home home time.
JS(: wanted to go for breakfast so we went YAKUN for breakfast.
the longer the time, the happier i am.
though i'm like super uber sleepy and tired.
so yesterday itself i get to see him for like 13 hours?
oh gosh~ HAPPY LAR of course! hahaa.
i'm grinning and smiling like (: (: (: (: (: (:
hahaa~

then after breakfast...
we bid goodbye to that no shame Dx as he's taking train instead of bus.
Ban, JS(: and myself waiting for respective bus 198 and 30 .
JS(: bus came first, bid goodbye....
and he actually turn to me and say softly .....
"byebye then a smile (:"
awwww honestly i melted lar.
even if he didnt say anything i also melt.
ok jump!
then bus-ed home with Ban and he sent me back
thanks thanks nice nice Ban:o

at night JS(: called me up for a dinner dinner meeting with DX.
yes, i waited for him at my area's bus stop.
bus-ed over to meet DX.
longjohn for dindin using my CapitalLand voucher with 3 sets of value meal (:
went over to arcade again to play some drumming?
This time round, i joined in the fun.
he actually always asking me to play...
now i did! YES! i get to play the same thing with him (: (:
then went Macdonald for icecream.
OreoMcflurry...

he actually wanna add toppings on his mcflurry but the lady actually ignores him
lols, so he dont wanna ask anymore.
and he smile! yes! his smile, how i wish i could get to see it everyday.
i know it's being silly to wish for something that it wouldnt be happening...
but doesn't matter, i love to dream mah..
then headed home via bus.
he waited for me to get onto the bus before he go over to take 98 back home...

a joke from him (:
JS(: -now no ppl take bus with you, will you be afraid? want me send you back?
Me - afraid of ? it's okay bah, later u got to rush for ur bus....
JS(: - later uncle bring you somewhere else how?
Me - then i call police lor? lols~
JS(: - what you gonna tell police? laughs!!
Me - say uncle sent me to somewhere else lor..
both laughs ... (:

Me - then you leh? not afraid to take alone?
JS(: - ._.
Me - later uncle send you to somewhere else how?
JS(: - then i call police tell him uncle send me to somewhere else lor. lols!!
both laugh again~
see? he's so adorable right?
I never make a wrong decision to fall for him, it comes just so naturally....
then im home!
I gonna miss him till tml?
might be meeting up with him tomorrow?
it depends..
if yes, i wanna meet up to 7 hours? so i get to meet him for 24hrs for 3 days!
hahaha.

I'm a happy woman today (: (: (: (: (: (: (:
a song to express my feelings to him....

我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了
时间过了 走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了
怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了
爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着
你在不舍那些爱过的感觉都太深刻
我都还记得 你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着 要怎么停呢

losing

Who is not afraid to lose everything overnight?
I did.

7 years of friendship, 7 years of confidant, 7 years of concern.
why? i'm not being good, at least if i move away things will get better.
things gradually gets better when i make the first move to drift away.
isn't that good?
she's happy than JS(: will be happy.

it doesn't matter how i do it.
how i gonna cry, how i gonna suffer anymore.
is a promise that i've to honour.
my good friend asked me " will you give up on him ? "
perhaps i will, giving him up and everyone in the group.
it takes time, perhaps a longer one to let go now.
i've already lost someone once important to me.
though he belongs to someone else now, but he never leaves my heart at all.
to love someone doesnt mean that he or she has to be beside you all the time.

now, i just wanna cherish everything.
i dont wanna wait till when i loses it, i starts to regret like how i used to a year ago.
can i forget the one that i once loved and loved me once?
i never forget and he will never be forgotten.
is just me, not able to cherish him.
i'm tired, tired of running and chasing after someone who never and never be mine.
as long as he's happy.
i no longer have the ability to run, i just wants to be alone.
i also need a shoulder to cry on, someone that loves me more than i do.

one year ago, if i know i would have put away my pride and beg him back to my side.
things will be very different.
i will be the most happiest woman in the world with the most sweetest boyf which every girls envy of.
but i lose it.
Now even my best fri, i loses him.
to ? someone that belongs to him.
im not jealous, just not used to it.
moreover 7 years of friendship, it takes time.
i will try, try every means to let go of this 7 years of bestfri to someone whom i dont even know whether will she be the one for him.
stupid me. (:

JS(: and me will never be together.
cause in my heart, i dont even know what i really wants anymore.
shutup candy, im tired.
really
i'm sorry

changes

People changes, so do you.
fucked up.
everything is just pure lies.

i'm drifting, drifting away from that group

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU !
I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID 3 TIMES.
i'm alone, again.
no more no more !
7 years of friendship, 7 years of confidant, 7 years of trust.
it turns out to be pure lies, nevermind.
I dislike you, you made me feel that i couldn't even trust you.
no more.
i realised that i'm walking a big round all alone.
SHUTUP I HATE YOU !

torn apart

5th day
I manage to stop myself for 5 days.
Yes i didn't even know whether am i able to meet him tomorrow?
Sighs, i used to hate weekends but now im looking forward to weekends so i will get to see him only during that period.

Bad puffy and swollen eyes
it's making me feeling very terrible now.
I wants to rest, its about to rain soon.
raining makes me upset.
sighs
no one understand, not even you.

Sorry, i ain't perfect

madness

4th day.
I didn't text him, didn't call him.
i'm getting stronger i think?
Had a chat with Ban yesterday. I admit i'm over-reacting but her sudden joining into the group, i couldn't and never want to adapt to it.

Everyone now have to adapt to her time.
Whereas i'm working, no one even realise that ...
Nevermind, perhaps slowly i'll be the one that moving away from supper group rather than anyone else.
Things change, people change, feelings changes.
I'm still standing there remain unchanged.
I dislike changes, especially those sudden changes. I wont be able to adapt and never wants to adapt to it. I don't see a point in that anyway...

JS(: cares for her.
Ban cares for her.
Will anyone realised that i'll be affected?
If only is JS(: cares for her, i can understand..
but now ?
Thing changes, moreover i tried to be nice to her cause she is ban's girlf.
But i realised that i can't, cause she made me a lonely person once again.
AGAIN!
nevermind.
I got very emotional yesterday and i went out with Haowei at night for a spin.

Yeaa i got to drive a little to East Coast (:
Haowei is uber sweet, is ever sweet..
but like what someone told me.
The one that did alot for you will never be love back.
The one that did NOT do anything, your heart will be captured.
Haowei and Hanxiang have been doing so much for me these years why am i not even moved by them? Cause i'm stupid enough to fall for someone who DIDNT do anything for me.

Yes, it's JS(:
I know it's time.
to let go of everything, even everyone in my life.
I wanna pretend no more
pretending to be happy is tiring...
I just want to be myself, is it so hard ?
Why no one understand and think that whether am i tired of that?
No one... The one that i need the concern most now never understand..
you've changed.
what am i now?

心里的雨倾盆的下 那伤心原来没有时差

holding back

Last message from him was " you too (: "
I wanted to message him last night but i stopped myself from doing it.
I don't want him to feel stress or bothered when i message him and search for reasons not to reply me, and i've to search for reasons why he didn't reply me.

1st day of holding myself back from messaging him.
hopefully i can bear with it for 1 week, then to 1 month. (:
This weekend not very sure whether we meeting up not, i'm afraid if never meet i gonna go crazy! lols.
nevermind, i miss him though....

Hanxiang and Haowei are being sweet lately.
Thanks HX for the ice blended pure chocolate from Coffeebean and Haowei for the lovely surprise and a bouquet of flowers surprised outside my store.. (:
Thanks both, im glad that you all dote on me too.
That's all (:

broken, shattered, pieces

Yes, things never goes my way.
It never.
I cried, and screamed and yelled.
He never be mine.
He will never be.

He's still in love with her.
someone that will never be with him anymore.
someone that belongs to someone else.
Why? Why am i still standing there?
I suppose to let go, i supposed to.
I couldn't find any reason not to but I rather stand there and wait for him to hold me. one day.

He messaged me " Hey tml working? Till what time? I go fetch you want? "
I was overwhelmed, of course.
at the same time, i'm shocked a million.
Met up with Ban at night to have prata,
anyway on the way there, we had a minor accident.
lucky both of us are fine..
& ate half way, Cynthia came with a message.. lols asking ban to save her ._. LOL!
She was in the mid of meeting JS(:
Yes then after he sent me home by Bicycle~ WEES


On Saturday, suppy group loves came over to unitedsquare to look for me.
JS(: offered to vacuum the floor for me willingly. Like so surprised alright?
Then half way through, JS(: gave up and asked nuxed to vacuum the rest instead.
He just move towards me while i'm doing some paperwork that has some error on it.
I went flustered ~.~ then he said " I'm beside only, don't flustered " (in chinese of course.)
I splurted like "then you move away from me lor.."
I regretted saying things like this.
Whatever lar, then i got a little emotional afterthat.

went Raffles place for supper/dinner with him, keithlyn, nuxed, ban&cynthia.
I totally no appetite though i've starved for the day.
keithlyn gave me lots of opportunities to speak to JS(: alone but we both didn't really speak.
Something just seems to be lacking..
After food, Ban sent Cynthia back while the rest of us trained to back to Cineleisure for some ROCK GUITAR game ._.

On the train...
I was just sitting right beside him, as i'm so afraid so i move a little away and sitting towards the right instead.
He said something like "Are you sitting right side or left side? "
then im like blushing.. lols.
so i move a little towards him.
hahaa. i'm happy, even for awhile.

Ban came over to meet up with us at Cineleisure and play.
JS(: enjoyed himself, sighs am i silly to love him? lols.
Ban sent everyone home and i broke down infront of him
yes, i only cries when i'm with Ban alone.
Sighs.. i pretend to be happy when he's around..
so tired till i broke down at the end of the day..

I messaged him, asking if he has any feelings for me.
He replied...
He wants to be fair to me, is not that he doesn't want to be with me.
I'm confused..
I wants him to be fair, he did.
i wants to be with him, but the time isn't right..
Will i be able to wait?
I miss you, i really do..
I only get to see him once a week, if the saturday we didnt meet up.
It turns out to be once in two weeks. ):

That's all...

trying

It has been days~
Till i message him cause he fell sick.
Didn't expect replies at all, but surprisingly he actually replied me.
I'm not sure should i be upset or overwhelming.
The mixed feeling is killing me, whatever it is.

I'm still standing there, unwilling to move a single bit away from him for too far.
Yes! Friday Kbox with BanBan (:
YES IM HAPPY, EXCITED (:

introvert

How i wish, i could take things easy.
How i wish, i never know so much.
How i wish, i can never be there.
How i wish, i am able to leave him without any hiccups.

Everything that i wishes for, it never occurs or happens to me.
Im even more upset than normal.
Actually he doesn't need me. If one day something happen to the both of us at the same point of time, all he worries is to her.
I'll only and comes second.
Might be even be forgotten.

Why am i doing this to myself?
Why cant i let someone who loves me more than i loves him to dote and pamper on me?
Why must i say no to the person who actually will cherish me more than anyone else?
I guess i'm simply too stupid.
sigh
letting go perhaps things will get better.
i wanna go away now, right at this moment.
i may look uber strong infront of everyone.
But i choose to run away from everything now.
Even how hard i try, things will never go the way i want it to be. and it never be mine.
i hate crying eveyday for the same reason.

goodbye.

confuse

I'm in a confusion state of mind.
I don't know which way should i go..
My 8 years friend never understand, all she does is to protect him.
What should i do?

By staying beside him all the way, I'll fall even deeper.
By leaving him alone going through, I couldn't bear to.
When he's happy, I'll have to leave which i doesn't want it but ):
When he's upset, I'll go crazy.
Tell me anyone? Tell me what should i do?
I wants to be there, but I'm afraid of changes.
If suddenly he doesn't need me anymore, will i be forgotten?
I know i've been thinking too much, too much.
I know i shouldn't but it can't be help.

I got no one to turn to.
Not even my besty, she'll only think for him.
No one, no one remembers that will i be upset or will i cry myself to death.
He never knows, I never allows him to know how painful i am.
Cause i only wants to share my happy thoughts with him, i rather keep all the unhappy ones to myself. Things change, I'll die.
Haowei told me, he wants me to be happy.
He will let me be the most happiest woman, but my heart will never be his.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to hurt anyone, I rather myself being upset than any others.

emotional post,
cried too much.
too much this time round.

a little more

As time goes by.
I got the world's courage to let him know how i actually feels for him.
things got a little worst?
I'm not sure is he avoiding me or is he simply pure busy.
I received his message at night asking me to take care if im really sick.

how i wish everyday i can get to see messages this way.
I wants to be selfish, to let him love me only not another.
can i?
Am i able to?
Am i allow to?
I starts to doubt so much so much.
Probably meeting him on sunday, hopefully?
If not gonna be a week or so not meeting him (:
Good luck to myself, i know i have to be strong so i'm able to be there for him like how i used to.

I promised, i'll leave once he forgets her.
I'll leave even how much nono in my heart.
(:

Believing

I never thought things will be this way.
All i want is to see him being happy and smile like how he used to.
He's in pain, he's trying to let go of her.
The her that he loves alot...

He seeked help from me, wants me to help him through this.
i don't mind just be the tools for him to forget her.
I may sound stupid and silly and he feels that is unfair for me.
I don't mind, cause i like him as much as he likes her.
She belongs to someone else now, to be clear she fell in love with Jayass's best friend.
This is the last thing which i wants it to happen, so afraid he couldn't take it anymore.
I really wants to be there for him, even if i lose everything in my life.
even my smile, even people who really dotes on me.
It doesn't matter cause i'm contented once he is happy.

I don't wanna give him any pressure by telling him i like him though i already mentioned.
But i wants him to know, i will try to hold back myself from falling deeper with him.
It hurts me so badly when he apologised to me for being unfair.
i don't mind to be his someone which he never love, i know he never love me.
I will try my best to be there for him even how tired i am.
I really miss his smile, the smile that actually brings us together seven years ago.

i'll wait.. for the day you fall for me.