confuse

I'm in a confusion state of mind.
I don't know which way should i go..
My 8 years friend never understand, all she does is to protect him.
What should i do?

By staying beside him all the way, I'll fall even deeper.
By leaving him alone going through, I couldn't bear to.
When he's happy, I'll have to leave which i doesn't want it but ):
When he's upset, I'll go crazy.
Tell me anyone? Tell me what should i do?
I wants to be there, but I'm afraid of changes.
If suddenly he doesn't need me anymore, will i be forgotten?
I know i've been thinking too much, too much.
I know i shouldn't but it can't be help.

I got no one to turn to.
Not even my besty, she'll only think for him.
No one, no one remembers that will i be upset or will i cry myself to death.
He never knows, I never allows him to know how painful i am.
Cause i only wants to share my happy thoughts with him, i rather keep all the unhappy ones to myself. Things change, I'll die.
Haowei told me, he wants me to be happy.
He will let me be the most happiest woman, but my heart will never be his.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to hurt anyone, I rather myself being upset than any others.

emotional post,
cried too much.
too much this time round.